Peer Review for Anna Hemmig

Positioning Paper Peer Review

Instructions: Read your paper aloud to two peers. As you read or listen, mark any sentences that are unclear. If you are a listener, listen critically—find what doesn’t make sense or connect and then mark it or question it in the margin.

Your Name: Evan Beard

Writer’s Name: Anna Hemmig

Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.

If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:
• I don’t know if I see a real thesis. I just see a bunch of questions that you want answered.

Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.
• Like I said, I see no real thesis.

What subculture is named in the paper?
• The subculture mentioned in this paper is men’s volleyball

Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?
• Again, I see no real thesis in you paper. There may be one, but I am horrible with thesis’s …sorry

Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:
• AGAIN, I see no real thesis

How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.
• I think it addresses her fixed position by saying that she is not very familiar with this subculture, but would like to study it.






What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.
•


What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?
Quote from the paper to explain.
•


Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.
• I don’t think it seems like a story, however, it may be a little to formal.


Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?
• Yes, each paragraph is a good length and each one has a separate main point all pointing toward the big picture


What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?
• I think you need to find a better way to write a thesis, because it doesn’t seem like there is one to me.


What do you think the strength of this paper is?
• You went into depth about why you wanted to research this topic. You didn’t just say the subculture you chose, you told us why you chose it.

What are the weaknesses?
• There is no real thesis that I can see. You just listed off a bunch of questions that you want answers to.



What’s missing?
• A thesis.



What’s unnecessary?
• I think that you should consider taking out all the questions in the first paragraph, or at least move them to another portion of the paper






Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.



















Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.

CRITERIA


READER'S COMMENTS
Weak Satisf. Strong

___X__ _____ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky
Comments:





_____ ___X__ _____ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility
Comments:





_____ _____ __X___ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader
Comments:





_____ _____ ___X__ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation
Comments:



_____ _____ __X___ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?
Comments: