Research Question/Roadmap
1. Does it pose a question? Does the paper identify tensions? Does it say what it’s going to do and what its point is?
a. This ethnography poses a question about why throwers do the sport that they do. Is it because they love the sport? It also asks if they conform to the typical stereotype
Theme
2. What is the quality of the content of the writing: the ideas, perceptions, and point of view? In your words, what is being said? Is it more than a collection of thoughts and observations? According to the author, why does this whole thing matter?
a. I feel that the content is good, but it go more in depth. Your interviews seem to only seem to scratch the surface. Maybe you could try to go more in depth.
3. Is there too much abstraction or generalization? Underline or circle this language in the paper. In other words, are there so few details, examples and explanations that it ends up dull, empty, impossible to experience? Or, perhaps even impossible to understand? Explain.
a. I think there is to much distraction. There is not much detail. How did you become an insider? Again, try to g more in detail.
4. Is there too little abstraction or generalization and too much clutter of details, examples, and explanations? Too little standing back for perspective? Too little forest per tree?
a. Again, there needs to be more detail about the interview and things like that.
5. What is the practical significance of the artifact? What idea does it represent?
a. There is no artifact that is even mention
6. What is the significance of Interview 1?
a. This is someone who has been throwing for a long time, so she can get god information from this person.
7. What is the significance of Interview 2?
a. The significance of this interview is that is someone who is very open and willing to talk about things that pertain to this subculture
8. Are all 3 required scholarly sources developed in the conclusions?
a. All three of her scholarly sources are brought into the paper
9. Is all source material cited according to MLA, both parenthetically and in a Works Cited?
a. There was no works cited page
10. Do the conclusions satisfy the issues the study raises with complexity? How so?
a. The conclusion that is given answers the original question, but could still go into more depth with this paper.
Structure
11. Is the whole thing unified? Is there a central idea to which everything pertains? What? Are there loose ends that don’t seem purposefully so, but accidently overlooked?
a. I think that it is unified, everything seems to relate back to the research question in one way or another.
12. Are the parts arranged in a coherent, logical narrative sequence?
a. I think that the sequence is good for the most part, however I think it could better in some spots.
13. Were the paragraphs really paragraphs? Could you tell what each one was saying? Did they function as helpful and comfortable units of thought, not too much, not too little? Mark any that seem too short or too long.
a. Not all the paragraphs are correct. Some could be either combined or shortened
Language
14. Are the sentences clear and readable? Underline with a wavy line any that you find incorrect or confusing.
a. Not all sentences are clear and some are very difficult to read
15. Are the words used correctly? List any misused words.
a. There are a few words that used incorrectly
16. Is it succinct enough? Not too long, repetitious or dull? Mark any areas for deletion.
a. You repeat a few things a couple times.
17. Is it full enough? Or does the writer squeeze out the juice of human communication and spoken discourse? Is the language, even if correct, dull and indigestible? Does the writer sufficiently use the language of the subculture?
a. I do not think this paper is very full. There could definitely be more language used in the subculture.
18. Does the diction, mood and level of formality fit with ethnography?
a. The mood seems to fit with the ethnography, it seems very energetic
Readerly Response
Describe what was happening to you as you read. Tell which words or phrases stuck out or resonated.
• Due to the lack of detail, I was very bored while I was reading this paper
What happened and what are the implications?
• During this paper many things were happening, Delia had a one on one with some of the throwers. She also did some research of herself on the issue with scholarly articles
What ideas or beliefs or feelings were brought into this piece? How do multiple points of view contribute to your understanding?
• It think that interviews help gain a new point of view so that it is not a one sided paper
What understanding of the culture do you have from reading this piece? What gave you this understanding?
• I have learned that there are many different types of girls that can be throwers. It is not just bigger girls that can do this sport.
The writer has introduced him/herself to you. Describe that meeting. What’s your impression? Did he thrust out his hand for you to shake? Did she sidle up next to you, but fail to look you in the eye? Did he send you a letter bomb or put his arm around your shoulder? Does it seem like the writer is standing on a cliff talking down to an audience below? What sense of the writer do you have? Formal? Casual? Intimate? Jocular? Arrogant? Are you with the writer, against her, or unsure since you don’t really know him?
• I think that Delia is very confident, I think that she would shake my hand and we would be able to have a very god conversation
Is the writer giving in?
• I do not think that she is giving in, she is simply statin her research
What do you want, need, or wish for?
• I would like to see much more detail on what Delia is feeling throughout the paper.
This peer review has been partially modified from peer reviews found in Peter Elbow’s Writing with Power, New York: Oxford University Press, 1998.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Peer Review for Emily Bess
Research Question/Roadmap
1. Does it pose a question? Does the paper identify tensions? Does it say what it’s going to do and what its point is?
• I don’t think it really poses a question but it does show her intention by saying that she wants to know why college students sign up for facebook. Again, she says that she plans to figure out why people sign up for facebook.
Theme
2. What is the quality of the content of the writing: the ideas, perceptions, and point of view? In your words, what is being said? Is it more than a collection of thoughts and observations? According to the author, why does this whole thing matter?
• I think that she is trying to say that she thinks there are many different reasons why a person would have a facebook. I do not see many of your own thoughts until the end of the paper. Consider putting your thoughts throughout your interviews.
3. Is there too much abstraction or generalization? Underline or circle this language in the paper. In other words, are there so few details, examples and explanations that it ends up dull, empty, impossible to experience? Or, perhaps even impossible to understand? Explain.
• I think that you did a good job with your examples, but maybe you could try to go more into depth about some things (what are some of the games, what is a wall, things like that).
4. Is there too little abstraction or generalization and too much clutter of details, examples, and explanations? Too little standing back for perspective? Too little forest per tree?
• I’m not really sure if this is what this question is talking about, but you do not give much of your own thought until the end. During your interviews, maybe you could put some more controversial thoughts and your own reactions.
5. What is the practical significance of the artifact? What idea does it represent?
• The practical significance of the artifact is that it shows who the person is. It shows the identity of who that person really is (or who they are claiming to be). You can also stereotype the kind of person they are just by looking at there profile picture.
6. What is the significance of Interview 1?
• I think that the significance behind the first interview was that facebook is something that can be very time consuming, but sometimes, that is not always a bad thing. He is using it to keep in close contact with people who are very close to him such as his girlfriend and other friends. Also, I think he is showing that facebook can be something that is very bad when it comes to school work. He openly admits, like most people would, he uses it to procrastinate
7. What is the significance of Interview 2?
• I think that the significance of the next interview is that facebook does not have to be something that people are addicted to. Contrary to popular belief, people can survive without facebook.
8. Are all 3 required scholarly sources developed in the conclusions?
• I do not see any of your scholarly sources in your conclusion.
9. Is all source material cited according to MLA, both parenthetically and in a Works Cited?
• There are no sources cited in the paper or the works cited page.
10. Do the conclusions satisfy the issues the study raises with complexity? How so?
• I think that the conclusion does satisfy the question that was raised. You wanted to know why people got a facebook and you found out that they wanted to keep in touch with people.
Structure
11. Is the whole thing unified? Is there a central idea to which everything pertains? What? Are there loose ends that don’t seem purposefully so, but accidently overlooked?
• I think that there is a central idea of wanting to know why people originally got on the facebook network. You do a good job describing your findings. However, in your interview with Scott, you talk about wanting to compare facebook usage to time, but you never really go into detail about it. Maybe consider doing that.
12. Are the parts arranged in a coherent, logical narrative sequence?
• I think that it is arranged in a logical order, but I think you should try to do a better job of making it flow nicely. Right now, it is question…answer…question…answer. Expand on your thoughts about the interview a little more
13. Were the paragraphs really paragraphs? Could you tell what each one was saying? Did they function as helpful and comfortable units of thought, not too much, not too little? Mark any that seem too short or too long.
• I think there are times when the paragraphs were not complete paragraphs. There were times when your question for the informant or answer from them was your entire paragraph, which was maybe only one sentence, try finding a better transition so that you can combine the two together, and again, put your thoughts in it
Language
14. Are the sentences clear and readable? Underline with a wavy line any that you find incorrect or confusing.
• I think that your sentences are good and readable. However, see paper for more
15. Are the words used correctly? List any misused words.
• I did not notice any misused words
16. Is it succinct enough? Not too long, repetitious or dull? Mark any areas for deletion.
•
17. Is it full enough? Or does the writer squeeze out the juice of human communication and spoken discourse? Is the language, even if correct, dull and indigestible? Does the writer sufficiently use the language of the subculture?
• The paper is full length but I think that most of it is just regurgitating what the informant said, you didn’t really put your own thoughts into the ethnography and that made it a little boring to read.
18. Does the diction, mood and level of formality fit with ethnography?
•
Readerly Response
Describe what was happening to you as you read. Tell which words or phrases stuck out or resonated.
• I didn’t feel anything really until the end when you started talking about people being who they really say they are. I never really thought about that so that was interesting
What happened and what are the implications?
• I don’t think that anything really happened in this paper, it was just he said, she said, I said paper.
What ideas or beliefs or feelings were brought into this piece? How do multiple points of view contribute to your understanding?
• The ideas that were brought up in this paper is that people have different reason for getting a facebook and different reasons why they get on it each day. This tells me that every person who is a part of this subculture, has a different motives.
What understanding of the culture do you have from reading this piece? What gave you this understanding?
• Again, I know that everyone has a different reason for having a facebook. Whether that reason may be talking to old friends, staying in touch with a friends who moved away, staying in touch with a significant other, etc.
The writer has introduced him/herself to you. Describe that meeting. What’s your impression? Did he thrust out his hand for you to shake? Did she sidle up next to you, but fail to look you in the eye? Did he send you a letter bomb or put his arm around your shoulder? Does it seem like the writer is standing on a cliff talking down to an audience below? What sense of the writer do you have? Formal? Casual? Intimate? Jocular? Arrogant? Are you with the writer, against her, or unsure since you don’t really know him?
• I think she is hesitant because she has never written an ethnography before. I think she would shake my hand but be a little shy at first..
Is the writer giving in?
• I think the writer is beginning to give in, but at the same time, not. She states that she is now a little more hesitant than she was before, but she is not going to delete her facebook account anytime soon
What do you want, need, or wish for
• I want to know the time differentiation. You said you wanted to know more about it but then never went into that topic!
This peer review has been partially modified from peer reviews found in Peter Elbow’s Writing with Power, New York: Oxford University Press, 1998.
1. Does it pose a question? Does the paper identify tensions? Does it say what it’s going to do and what its point is?
• I don’t think it really poses a question but it does show her intention by saying that she wants to know why college students sign up for facebook. Again, she says that she plans to figure out why people sign up for facebook.
Theme
2. What is the quality of the content of the writing: the ideas, perceptions, and point of view? In your words, what is being said? Is it more than a collection of thoughts and observations? According to the author, why does this whole thing matter?
• I think that she is trying to say that she thinks there are many different reasons why a person would have a facebook. I do not see many of your own thoughts until the end of the paper. Consider putting your thoughts throughout your interviews.
3. Is there too much abstraction or generalization? Underline or circle this language in the paper. In other words, are there so few details, examples and explanations that it ends up dull, empty, impossible to experience? Or, perhaps even impossible to understand? Explain.
• I think that you did a good job with your examples, but maybe you could try to go more into depth about some things (what are some of the games, what is a wall, things like that).
4. Is there too little abstraction or generalization and too much clutter of details, examples, and explanations? Too little standing back for perspective? Too little forest per tree?
• I’m not really sure if this is what this question is talking about, but you do not give much of your own thought until the end. During your interviews, maybe you could put some more controversial thoughts and your own reactions.
5. What is the practical significance of the artifact? What idea does it represent?
• The practical significance of the artifact is that it shows who the person is. It shows the identity of who that person really is (or who they are claiming to be). You can also stereotype the kind of person they are just by looking at there profile picture.
6. What is the significance of Interview 1?
• I think that the significance behind the first interview was that facebook is something that can be very time consuming, but sometimes, that is not always a bad thing. He is using it to keep in close contact with people who are very close to him such as his girlfriend and other friends. Also, I think he is showing that facebook can be something that is very bad when it comes to school work. He openly admits, like most people would, he uses it to procrastinate
7. What is the significance of Interview 2?
• I think that the significance of the next interview is that facebook does not have to be something that people are addicted to. Contrary to popular belief, people can survive without facebook.
8. Are all 3 required scholarly sources developed in the conclusions?
• I do not see any of your scholarly sources in your conclusion.
9. Is all source material cited according to MLA, both parenthetically and in a Works Cited?
• There are no sources cited in the paper or the works cited page.
10. Do the conclusions satisfy the issues the study raises with complexity? How so?
• I think that the conclusion does satisfy the question that was raised. You wanted to know why people got a facebook and you found out that they wanted to keep in touch with people.
Structure
11. Is the whole thing unified? Is there a central idea to which everything pertains? What? Are there loose ends that don’t seem purposefully so, but accidently overlooked?
• I think that there is a central idea of wanting to know why people originally got on the facebook network. You do a good job describing your findings. However, in your interview with Scott, you talk about wanting to compare facebook usage to time, but you never really go into detail about it. Maybe consider doing that.
12. Are the parts arranged in a coherent, logical narrative sequence?
• I think that it is arranged in a logical order, but I think you should try to do a better job of making it flow nicely. Right now, it is question…answer…question…answer. Expand on your thoughts about the interview a little more
13. Were the paragraphs really paragraphs? Could you tell what each one was saying? Did they function as helpful and comfortable units of thought, not too much, not too little? Mark any that seem too short or too long.
• I think there are times when the paragraphs were not complete paragraphs. There were times when your question for the informant or answer from them was your entire paragraph, which was maybe only one sentence, try finding a better transition so that you can combine the two together, and again, put your thoughts in it
Language
14. Are the sentences clear and readable? Underline with a wavy line any that you find incorrect or confusing.
• I think that your sentences are good and readable. However, see paper for more
15. Are the words used correctly? List any misused words.
• I did not notice any misused words
16. Is it succinct enough? Not too long, repetitious or dull? Mark any areas for deletion.
•
17. Is it full enough? Or does the writer squeeze out the juice of human communication and spoken discourse? Is the language, even if correct, dull and indigestible? Does the writer sufficiently use the language of the subculture?
• The paper is full length but I think that most of it is just regurgitating what the informant said, you didn’t really put your own thoughts into the ethnography and that made it a little boring to read.
18. Does the diction, mood and level of formality fit with ethnography?
•
Readerly Response
Describe what was happening to you as you read. Tell which words or phrases stuck out or resonated.
• I didn’t feel anything really until the end when you started talking about people being who they really say they are. I never really thought about that so that was interesting
What happened and what are the implications?
• I don’t think that anything really happened in this paper, it was just he said, she said, I said paper.
What ideas or beliefs or feelings were brought into this piece? How do multiple points of view contribute to your understanding?
• The ideas that were brought up in this paper is that people have different reason for getting a facebook and different reasons why they get on it each day. This tells me that every person who is a part of this subculture, has a different motives.
What understanding of the culture do you have from reading this piece? What gave you this understanding?
• Again, I know that everyone has a different reason for having a facebook. Whether that reason may be talking to old friends, staying in touch with a friends who moved away, staying in touch with a significant other, etc.
The writer has introduced him/herself to you. Describe that meeting. What’s your impression? Did he thrust out his hand for you to shake? Did she sidle up next to you, but fail to look you in the eye? Did he send you a letter bomb or put his arm around your shoulder? Does it seem like the writer is standing on a cliff talking down to an audience below? What sense of the writer do you have? Formal? Casual? Intimate? Jocular? Arrogant? Are you with the writer, against her, or unsure since you don’t really know him?
• I think she is hesitant because she has never written an ethnography before. I think she would shake my hand but be a little shy at first..
Is the writer giving in?
• I think the writer is beginning to give in, but at the same time, not. She states that she is now a little more hesitant than she was before, but she is not going to delete her facebook account anytime soon
What do you want, need, or wish for
• I want to know the time differentiation. You said you wanted to know more about it but then never went into that topic!
This peer review has been partially modified from peer reviews found in Peter Elbow’s Writing with Power, New York: Oxford University Press, 1998.
Research Question/Roadmap
1. Does it pose a question? Does the paper identify tensions? Does it say what it’s going to do and what its point is?
• I don’t think it really poses a question but it does show her intention by saying that she wants to know why college students sign up for facebook. Again, she says that she plans to figure out why people sign up for facebook.
Theme
2. What is the quality of the content of the writing: the ideas, perceptions, and point of view? In your words, what is being said? Is it more than a collection of thoughts and observations? According to the author, why does this whole thing matter?
• I think that she is trying to say that she thinks there are many different reasons why a person would have a facebook. I do not see many of your own thoughts until the end of the paper. Consider putting your thoughts throughout your interviews.
3. Is there too much abstraction or generalization? Underline or circle this language in the paper. In other words, are there so few details, examples and explanations that it ends up dull, empty, impossible to experience? Or, perhaps even impossible to understand? Explain.
• I think that you did a good job with your examples, but maybe you could try to go more into depth about some things (what are some of the games, what is a wall, things like that).
4. Is there too little abstraction or generalization and too much clutter of details, examples, and explanations? Too little standing back for perspective? Too little forest per tree?
• I’m not really sure if this is what this question is talking about, but you do not give much of your own thought until the end. During your interviews, maybe you could put some more controversial thoughts and your own reactions.
5. What is the practical significance of the artifact? What idea does it represent?
• The practical significance of the artifact is that it shows who the person is. It shows the identity of who that person really is (or who they are claiming to be). You can also stereotype the kind of person they are just by looking at there profile picture.
6. What is the significance of Interview 1?
• I think that the significance behind the first interview was that facebook is something that can be very time consuming, but sometimes, that is not always a bad thing. He is using it to keep in close contact with people who are very close to him such as his girlfriend and other friends. Also, I think he is showing that facebook can be something that is very bad when it comes to school work. He openly admits, like most people would, he uses it to procrastinate
7. What is the significance of Interview 2?
• I think that the significance of the next interview is that facebook does not have to be something that people are addicted to. Contrary to popular belief, people can survive without facebook.
8. Are all 3 required scholarly sources developed in the conclusions?
• I do not see any of your scholarly sources in your conclusion.
9. Is all source material cited according to MLA, both parenthetically and in a Works Cited?
• There are no sources cited in the paper or the works cited page.
10. Do the conclusions satisfy the issues the study raises with complexity? How so?
• I think that the conclusion does satisfy the question that was raised. You wanted to know why people got a facebook and you found out that they wanted to keep in touch with people.
Structure
11. Is the whole thing unified? Is there a central idea to which everything pertains? What? Are there loose ends that don’t seem purposefully so, but accidently overlooked?
• I think that there is a central idea of wanting to know why people originally got on the facebook network. You do a good job describing your findings. However, in your interview with Scott, you talk about wanting to compare facebook usage to time, but you never really go into detail about it. Maybe consider doing that.
12. Are the parts arranged in a coherent, logical narrative sequence?
• I think that it is arranged in a logical order, but I think you should try to do a better job of making it flow nicely. Right now, it is question…answer…question…answer. Expand on your thoughts about the interview a little more
13. Were the paragraphs really paragraphs? Could you tell what each one was saying? Did they function as helpful and comfortable units of thought, not too much, not too little? Mark any that seem too short or too long.
• I think there are times when the paragraphs were not complete paragraphs. There were times when your question for the informant or answer from them was your entire paragraph, which was maybe only one sentence, try finding a better transition so that you can combine the two together, and again, put your thoughts in it
Language
14. Are the sentences clear and readable? Underline with a wavy line any that you find incorrect or confusing.
• I think that your sentences are good and readable. However, see paper for more
15. Are the words used correctly? List any misused words.
• I did not notice any misused words
16. Is it succinct enough? Not too long, repetitious or dull? Mark any areas for deletion.
•
17. Is it full enough? Or does the writer squeeze out the juice of human communication and spoken discourse? Is the language, even if correct, dull and indigestible? Does the writer sufficiently use the language of the subculture?
• The paper is full length but I think that most of it is just regurgitating what the informant said, you didn’t really put your own thoughts into the ethnography and that made it a little boring to read.
18. Does the diction, mood and level of formality fit with ethnography?
•
Readerly Response
Describe what was happening to you as you read. Tell which words or phrases stuck out or resonated.
• I didn’t feel anything really until the end when you started talking about people being who they really say they are. I never really thought about that so that was interesting
What happened and what are the implications?
• I don’t think that anything really happened in this paper, it was just he said, she said, I said paper.
What ideas or beliefs or feelings were brought into this piece? How do multiple points of view contribute to your understanding?
• The ideas that were brought up in this paper is that people have different reason for getting a facebook and different reasons why they get on it each day. This tells me that every person who is a part of this subculture, has a different motives.
What understanding of the culture do you have from reading this piece? What gave you this understanding?
• Again, I know that everyone has a different reason for having a facebook. Whether that reason may be talking to old friends, staying in touch with a friends who moved away, staying in touch with a significant other, etc.
The writer has introduced him/herself to you. Describe that meeting. What’s your impression? Did he thrust out his hand for you to shake? Did she sidle up next to you, but fail to look you in the eye? Did he send you a letter bomb or put his arm around your shoulder? Does it seem like the writer is standing on a cliff talking down to an audience below? What sense of the writer do you have? Formal? Casual? Intimate? Jocular? Arrogant? Are you with the writer, against her, or unsure since you don’t really know him?
• I think she is hesitant because she has never written an ethnography before. I think she would shake my hand but be a little shy at first..
Is the writer giving in?
• I think the writer is beginning to give in, but at the same time, not. She states that she is now a little more hesitant than she was before, but she is not going to delete her facebook account anytime soon
What do you want, need, or wish for
• I want to know the time differentiation. You said you wanted to know more about it but then never went into that topic!
This peer review has been partially modified from peer reviews found in Peter Elbow’s Writing with Power, New York: Oxford University Press, 1998.
1. Does it pose a question? Does the paper identify tensions? Does it say what it’s going to do and what its point is?
• I don’t think it really poses a question but it does show her intention by saying that she wants to know why college students sign up for facebook. Again, she says that she plans to figure out why people sign up for facebook.
Theme
2. What is the quality of the content of the writing: the ideas, perceptions, and point of view? In your words, what is being said? Is it more than a collection of thoughts and observations? According to the author, why does this whole thing matter?
• I think that she is trying to say that she thinks there are many different reasons why a person would have a facebook. I do not see many of your own thoughts until the end of the paper. Consider putting your thoughts throughout your interviews.
3. Is there too much abstraction or generalization? Underline or circle this language in the paper. In other words, are there so few details, examples and explanations that it ends up dull, empty, impossible to experience? Or, perhaps even impossible to understand? Explain.
• I think that you did a good job with your examples, but maybe you could try to go more into depth about some things (what are some of the games, what is a wall, things like that).
4. Is there too little abstraction or generalization and too much clutter of details, examples, and explanations? Too little standing back for perspective? Too little forest per tree?
• I’m not really sure if this is what this question is talking about, but you do not give much of your own thought until the end. During your interviews, maybe you could put some more controversial thoughts and your own reactions.
5. What is the practical significance of the artifact? What idea does it represent?
• The practical significance of the artifact is that it shows who the person is. It shows the identity of who that person really is (or who they are claiming to be). You can also stereotype the kind of person they are just by looking at there profile picture.
6. What is the significance of Interview 1?
• I think that the significance behind the first interview was that facebook is something that can be very time consuming, but sometimes, that is not always a bad thing. He is using it to keep in close contact with people who are very close to him such as his girlfriend and other friends. Also, I think he is showing that facebook can be something that is very bad when it comes to school work. He openly admits, like most people would, he uses it to procrastinate
7. What is the significance of Interview 2?
• I think that the significance of the next interview is that facebook does not have to be something that people are addicted to. Contrary to popular belief, people can survive without facebook.
8. Are all 3 required scholarly sources developed in the conclusions?
• I do not see any of your scholarly sources in your conclusion.
9. Is all source material cited according to MLA, both parenthetically and in a Works Cited?
• There are no sources cited in the paper or the works cited page.
10. Do the conclusions satisfy the issues the study raises with complexity? How so?
• I think that the conclusion does satisfy the question that was raised. You wanted to know why people got a facebook and you found out that they wanted to keep in touch with people.
Structure
11. Is the whole thing unified? Is there a central idea to which everything pertains? What? Are there loose ends that don’t seem purposefully so, but accidently overlooked?
• I think that there is a central idea of wanting to know why people originally got on the facebook network. You do a good job describing your findings. However, in your interview with Scott, you talk about wanting to compare facebook usage to time, but you never really go into detail about it. Maybe consider doing that.
12. Are the parts arranged in a coherent, logical narrative sequence?
• I think that it is arranged in a logical order, but I think you should try to do a better job of making it flow nicely. Right now, it is question…answer…question…answer. Expand on your thoughts about the interview a little more
13. Were the paragraphs really paragraphs? Could you tell what each one was saying? Did they function as helpful and comfortable units of thought, not too much, not too little? Mark any that seem too short or too long.
• I think there are times when the paragraphs were not complete paragraphs. There were times when your question for the informant or answer from them was your entire paragraph, which was maybe only one sentence, try finding a better transition so that you can combine the two together, and again, put your thoughts in it
Language
14. Are the sentences clear and readable? Underline with a wavy line any that you find incorrect or confusing.
• I think that your sentences are good and readable. However, see paper for more
15. Are the words used correctly? List any misused words.
• I did not notice any misused words
16. Is it succinct enough? Not too long, repetitious or dull? Mark any areas for deletion.
•
17. Is it full enough? Or does the writer squeeze out the juice of human communication and spoken discourse? Is the language, even if correct, dull and indigestible? Does the writer sufficiently use the language of the subculture?
• The paper is full length but I think that most of it is just regurgitating what the informant said, you didn’t really put your own thoughts into the ethnography and that made it a little boring to read.
18. Does the diction, mood and level of formality fit with ethnography?
•
Readerly Response
Describe what was happening to you as you read. Tell which words or phrases stuck out or resonated.
• I didn’t feel anything really until the end when you started talking about people being who they really say they are. I never really thought about that so that was interesting
What happened and what are the implications?
• I don’t think that anything really happened in this paper, it was just he said, she said, I said paper.
What ideas or beliefs or feelings were brought into this piece? How do multiple points of view contribute to your understanding?
• The ideas that were brought up in this paper is that people have different reason for getting a facebook and different reasons why they get on it each day. This tells me that every person who is a part of this subculture, has a different motives.
What understanding of the culture do you have from reading this piece? What gave you this understanding?
• Again, I know that everyone has a different reason for having a facebook. Whether that reason may be talking to old friends, staying in touch with a friends who moved away, staying in touch with a significant other, etc.
The writer has introduced him/herself to you. Describe that meeting. What’s your impression? Did he thrust out his hand for you to shake? Did she sidle up next to you, but fail to look you in the eye? Did he send you a letter bomb or put his arm around your shoulder? Does it seem like the writer is standing on a cliff talking down to an audience below? What sense of the writer do you have? Formal? Casual? Intimate? Jocular? Arrogant? Are you with the writer, against her, or unsure since you don’t really know him?
• I think she is hesitant because she has never written an ethnography before. I think she would shake my hand but be a little shy at first..
Is the writer giving in?
• I think the writer is beginning to give in, but at the same time, not. She states that she is now a little more hesitant than she was before, but she is not going to delete her facebook account anytime soon
What do you want, need, or wish for
• I want to know the time differentiation. You said you wanted to know more about it but then never went into that topic!
This peer review has been partially modified from peer reviews found in Peter Elbow’s Writing with Power, New York: Oxford University Press, 1998.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Questions
What do you make of your experience?
I think that my experience with this sub-culture has been an eye opening experience. I went in it with a stereotype and assumptions about the people that I was going to be working with, but after getting to know some of the people, they were completely changed. They are just people like me and you that have different hobbies.
What is it like to be a part of your sub-cultures community?
When I was around my sub-culture, I had a lot of fun. People actually treated you like a friend. I had never met a lot of these people before I started doing field work and they still treated me better than some of my other friends do. They do not hold it against you if you do not participate in the same activities as them
Describe the way that you have represented them?
I know that I did not represent this sub-culture the best because of my limited time and resources. However, I think that I did a good job of trying to break the regular stereotype of those who party. I tried to show that there are more reasons that people party other than just because they want to get trashed. Granted some people do that, not all of them are that way.
Do you have the authority? Why? Why not?
I do not think that I have the authority to speak for this group because my answers are based off of my interpretations. Since I am not an active member of this subculture, I do not know all the little details. However, I tried to get opinions from the people so that I could have the best opinion that I could.
I think that my experience with this sub-culture has been an eye opening experience. I went in it with a stereotype and assumptions about the people that I was going to be working with, but after getting to know some of the people, they were completely changed. They are just people like me and you that have different hobbies.
What is it like to be a part of your sub-cultures community?
When I was around my sub-culture, I had a lot of fun. People actually treated you like a friend. I had never met a lot of these people before I started doing field work and they still treated me better than some of my other friends do. They do not hold it against you if you do not participate in the same activities as them
Describe the way that you have represented them?
I know that I did not represent this sub-culture the best because of my limited time and resources. However, I think that I did a good job of trying to break the regular stereotype of those who party. I tried to show that there are more reasons that people party other than just because they want to get trashed. Granted some people do that, not all of them are that way.
Do you have the authority? Why? Why not?
I do not think that I have the authority to speak for this group because my answers are based off of my interpretations. Since I am not an active member of this subculture, I do not know all the little details. However, I tried to get opinions from the people so that I could have the best opinion that I could.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Peer review for Sarah
Language Paper Peer Review
Your Name:
Writer’s Name:
1. How does the writer reflect on the interview process? Are the internal thoughts of the writer towards the informant expressed? Quote at least 3 examples
• There were some quotes about her thought process during the interview. “Should I follow her into the kitchen” whether to ask the question about Leander leaving.
.
2. What differences in terms of race, class, gender, etc. are discussed regarding each informant? List examples from each interview segment.
• I don’t see any
3. How does the writer characterize his or her informant? Do you think there should be more physical description, material description, background, or nonverbal communication to better understand the person and interaction?
• She does a good job describing what she was wearing maybe she could describe more of the seeing than just the buggy and horses
4. Do the informants seem to be full characters you could describe with unique worldviews? Quote any examples that helped you know the informant’s worldview.
• I think that I can get a fairly good picture of their worldview but maybe she could give me a better picture
5. Each interview should be distinct from the other and in narrative form. What is the story being told about each interview? Describe them separately here.
• I can’t tell a difference between the interviews
6. What is the thesis for interview 1? What is the thesis for interview 2? Are these theses truly theses—that is, do they make surprising and specific claims that need support to be accepted by an audience? If not, what’s the problem?
• I don’t know if there is a thesis in this paper on not. I don’t know how to spot it in this kind of paper. sorry
7. Does there seem to be a balance of summary and quotation? Or does one mode seem overused or underused?
• I think that there are a lot of quotations. In the one we read in our book, there was only one quote in the paper and the rest were paraphrases.
8. For each interview, what do you think the writer most wanted to know?
• I think that there is only one interview but I think she most wanted to know about the amish thoughts about Leeander leaving
9. What is the verbal art discussed? Do you think it fits the criteria of verbal art? What’s the deeper level of meaning for the culture?
• She does a good job describing the surrounding area and the people who come to greet her. I think that she could go into more detail
10. What new knowledge do you have after reading these interviews? What would you still like to know about the culture?
• I now know hoe amish people feel about people leaving their roots, and how they feel about religion
11. On your copy cross out any portions of the paper you think are irrelevant to understanding the informant, the culture, or the writer’s perspective. Don’t be shy. The writer doesn’t have to take your advice.
•
12. Comment on the organization. Does it seem to be working?
• I think it is working, it just needs another interview in the paper
13. Comment on the writing style. Is it gripping enough to hold an average reader’s attention?
• I got a little bored reading it. Try to find a way to grab the readers attention better
14. What’s the single most important thing this writer could do to improve this paper before it’s graded?
• Add another interview
Your Name:
Writer’s Name:
1. How does the writer reflect on the interview process? Are the internal thoughts of the writer towards the informant expressed? Quote at least 3 examples
• There were some quotes about her thought process during the interview. “Should I follow her into the kitchen” whether to ask the question about Leander leaving.
.
2. What differences in terms of race, class, gender, etc. are discussed regarding each informant? List examples from each interview segment.
• I don’t see any
3. How does the writer characterize his or her informant? Do you think there should be more physical description, material description, background, or nonverbal communication to better understand the person and interaction?
• She does a good job describing what she was wearing maybe she could describe more of the seeing than just the buggy and horses
4. Do the informants seem to be full characters you could describe with unique worldviews? Quote any examples that helped you know the informant’s worldview.
• I think that I can get a fairly good picture of their worldview but maybe she could give me a better picture
5. Each interview should be distinct from the other and in narrative form. What is the story being told about each interview? Describe them separately here.
• I can’t tell a difference between the interviews
6. What is the thesis for interview 1? What is the thesis for interview 2? Are these theses truly theses—that is, do they make surprising and specific claims that need support to be accepted by an audience? If not, what’s the problem?
• I don’t know if there is a thesis in this paper on not. I don’t know how to spot it in this kind of paper. sorry
7. Does there seem to be a balance of summary and quotation? Or does one mode seem overused or underused?
• I think that there are a lot of quotations. In the one we read in our book, there was only one quote in the paper and the rest were paraphrases.
8. For each interview, what do you think the writer most wanted to know?
• I think that there is only one interview but I think she most wanted to know about the amish thoughts about Leeander leaving
9. What is the verbal art discussed? Do you think it fits the criteria of verbal art? What’s the deeper level of meaning for the culture?
• She does a good job describing the surrounding area and the people who come to greet her. I think that she could go into more detail
10. What new knowledge do you have after reading these interviews? What would you still like to know about the culture?
• I now know hoe amish people feel about people leaving their roots, and how they feel about religion
11. On your copy cross out any portions of the paper you think are irrelevant to understanding the informant, the culture, or the writer’s perspective. Don’t be shy. The writer doesn’t have to take your advice.
•
12. Comment on the organization. Does it seem to be working?
• I think it is working, it just needs another interview in the paper
13. Comment on the writing style. Is it gripping enough to hold an average reader’s attention?
• I got a little bored reading it. Try to find a way to grab the readers attention better
14. What’s the single most important thing this writer could do to improve this paper before it’s graded?
• Add another interview
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Peer Review for Sena
Language Paper Peer Review
Your Name: Evan Beard
Writer’s Name: Sena Strong
1. How does the writer reflect on the interview process? Are the internal thoughts of the writer towards the informant expressed? Quote at least 3 examples.
• You did a good job of writing how you felt during the interviews. Things like “I hope this is not going to be awkward”, “I wonder if Morgan is as nervous as I am?” and “I thought to myself how was this interview going to go”
2. What differences in terms of race, class, gender, etc. are discussed regarding each informant? List examples from each interview segment.
• You did a very good job of describing what they were wearing and going into detail about their appearance (especially with Morgan).
3. How does the writer characterize his or her informant? Do you think there should be more physical description, material description, background, or nonverbal communication to better understand the person and interaction?
• I don’t think you characterized Morgan very well, other than her appearance which was very good. Maybe you could go into more detail about her family that she grew up in and how she came to her belief that winning is not everything.
4. Do the informants seem to be full characters you could describe with unique worldviews? Quote any examples that helped you know the informant’s worldview.
• I that you could get some of the informants beliefs out of this interview. Like you said, you can tell that Morgan is not all about winning and more about just being thankful for the abilities that she has, and Coach Gregory is all about the winning
5. Each interview should be distinct from the other and in narrative form. What is the story being told about each interview? Describe them separately here.
•
6. What is the thesis for interview 1? What is the thesis for interview 2? Are these theses truly theses—that is, do they make surprising and specific claims that need support to be accepted by an audience? If not, what’s the problem?
• I don’t know how to indentify a thesis in a paper like this MY BAD
7. Does there seem to be a balance of summary and quotation? Or does one mode seem overused or underused?
• I think there is a good balance of quotes and summaries. You introduce the quotes and then summarize them in your own words afterwards
8. For each interview, what do you think the writer most wanted to know?
• You really stressed the question of least and most proud moment in bowling. You did a good job of coming up with things that they may believe from this question
9. What is the verbal art discussed? Do you think it fits the criteria of verbal art? What’s the deeper level of meaning for the culture?
• You did a very good job of describing the setting in the beginning while you were waiting for Morgan. One thing that you may want to think about doing is describing the bowling alley where the interviews actually took place
10. What new knowledge do you have after reading these interviews? What would you still like to know about the culture?
• I don’t really have any new knowledge from these interviews. One thing you might be able to ask is how close are they outside the bowling alley? Do they hang out with each other, other than practice and matches?
11. On your copy cross out any portions of the paper you think are irrelevant to understanding the informant, the culture, or the writer’s perspective. Don’t be shy. The writer doesn’t have to take your advice.
• Alright
12. Comment on the organization. Does it seem to be working?
• Maybe you could find a better way to lead into your interview with the coach, but other than that it is good
13. Comment on the writing style. Is it gripping enough to hold an average reader’s attention?
• I think you did a good job, other than just a some grammatical errors…I think
14. What’s the single most important thing this writer could do to improve this paper before
it’s graded?
• Again, you could describe the place where you actually did the interview rather than just while you were waiting for her and then find a better lead into your second interview rather than just go straight into it.
Your Name: Evan Beard
Writer’s Name: Sena Strong
1. How does the writer reflect on the interview process? Are the internal thoughts of the writer towards the informant expressed? Quote at least 3 examples.
• You did a good job of writing how you felt during the interviews. Things like “I hope this is not going to be awkward”, “I wonder if Morgan is as nervous as I am?” and “I thought to myself how was this interview going to go”
2. What differences in terms of race, class, gender, etc. are discussed regarding each informant? List examples from each interview segment.
• You did a very good job of describing what they were wearing and going into detail about their appearance (especially with Morgan).
3. How does the writer characterize his or her informant? Do you think there should be more physical description, material description, background, or nonverbal communication to better understand the person and interaction?
• I don’t think you characterized Morgan very well, other than her appearance which was very good. Maybe you could go into more detail about her family that she grew up in and how she came to her belief that winning is not everything.
4. Do the informants seem to be full characters you could describe with unique worldviews? Quote any examples that helped you know the informant’s worldview.
• I that you could get some of the informants beliefs out of this interview. Like you said, you can tell that Morgan is not all about winning and more about just being thankful for the abilities that she has, and Coach Gregory is all about the winning
5. Each interview should be distinct from the other and in narrative form. What is the story being told about each interview? Describe them separately here.
•
6. What is the thesis for interview 1? What is the thesis for interview 2? Are these theses truly theses—that is, do they make surprising and specific claims that need support to be accepted by an audience? If not, what’s the problem?
• I don’t know how to indentify a thesis in a paper like this MY BAD
7. Does there seem to be a balance of summary and quotation? Or does one mode seem overused or underused?
• I think there is a good balance of quotes and summaries. You introduce the quotes and then summarize them in your own words afterwards
8. For each interview, what do you think the writer most wanted to know?
• You really stressed the question of least and most proud moment in bowling. You did a good job of coming up with things that they may believe from this question
9. What is the verbal art discussed? Do you think it fits the criteria of verbal art? What’s the deeper level of meaning for the culture?
• You did a very good job of describing the setting in the beginning while you were waiting for Morgan. One thing that you may want to think about doing is describing the bowling alley where the interviews actually took place
10. What new knowledge do you have after reading these interviews? What would you still like to know about the culture?
• I don’t really have any new knowledge from these interviews. One thing you might be able to ask is how close are they outside the bowling alley? Do they hang out with each other, other than practice and matches?
11. On your copy cross out any portions of the paper you think are irrelevant to understanding the informant, the culture, or the writer’s perspective. Don’t be shy. The writer doesn’t have to take your advice.
• Alright
12. Comment on the organization. Does it seem to be working?
• Maybe you could find a better way to lead into your interview with the coach, but other than that it is good
13. Comment on the writing style. Is it gripping enough to hold an average reader’s attention?
• I think you did a good job, other than just a some grammatical errors…I think
14. What’s the single most important thing this writer could do to improve this paper before
it’s graded?
• Again, you could describe the place where you actually did the interview rather than just while you were waiting for her and then find a better lead into your second interview rather than just go straight into it.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Box 21
The main thing that i learned from this excercise was that the question that i think is the most imporant, may not be what everyone thinks is the most important.It showed me to consider more in depth about the question, "What kind of family were you raise in?" It also made me realize that i can branch off into more questions to more in depth.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Interviews
The First Person that I will interview will be a girl that lives in my dorm. She parties a lot. She is a Freshman at BSU. She is 5’2”, blonde hair, and really pretty.
The next person that I will interview will be a one of my friends who throws a bunch of parties. He is the president of the rugby team. He is a junior at BSU, about 5’6”, short black hair, and real friendly to everyone.
What is your name?
Where were you born?
Do you have any siblings? How many?
What kind of family were you raised in?
What are your main hobbies?
How did you get started on partying?
Do you have any memories that you like to tell from a party?
When you party, do you do with a big group of people you don’t know, or a small
group of close friends?
Why do you drink? Is it for pleasure? Stress relief?
Have you ever been in trouble because of partying?
Are you addicted to partying, or could you stop whenever you wanted to?
What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime? Will partying get in the way at all?
Do you plan not partying soon or ever?
Why Do party if you know that underage drinking has serious penalties?
Why do you do something that has such penalties when BSU offers other alternatives
such as late nite?
The next person that I will interview will be a one of my friends who throws a bunch of parties. He is the president of the rugby team. He is a junior at BSU, about 5’6”, short black hair, and real friendly to everyone.
What is your name?
Where were you born?
Do you have any siblings? How many?
What kind of family were you raised in?
What are your main hobbies?
How did you get started on partying?
Do you have any memories that you like to tell from a party?
When you party, do you do with a big group of people you don’t know, or a small
group of close friends?
Why do you drink? Is it for pleasure? Stress relief?
Have you ever been in trouble because of partying?
Are you addicted to partying, or could you stop whenever you wanted to?
What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime? Will partying get in the way at all?
Do you plan not partying soon or ever?
Why Do party if you know that underage drinking has serious penalties?
Why do you do something that has such penalties when BSU offers other alternatives
such as late nite?
Monday, March 15, 2010
Summaries
The name of this article is Intoxication, harm and pleasure: an analysis of the Australian National Alcohol Strategy written by Helen Keena. This article is looking at two different views on being intoxicated. The first view is the one that people take on the health side of the argument. They say that It is a harmful behavior that is a result of alcohol consumption in dangerous amounts.
The second view comes from the experiences of everyday drinkers. They see it as a hobby that helps them reach an enhanced state of mind or a form of bodily pleasure. They only think of the temporary pleasure of their behavior and do not consider the damages in the long run.
One of the main things that this article is arguing the gap between the knowledge of the health aspect and the thought of drinking for bodily pleasure, presents a huge gap to overcome for those campaigning to alter drinking habits of others.
I think that this article has great relevance to my project because people who drink on a regular basis, like those who go to parties, only think about the temporary satisfaction of their actions and not what it could do to them in the long run. I also think it is relevant because if you try and talk to them about this issue, they will not listen to you and think that whatever they do is right.
The name of this article is Relationships between parental alcohol abuse and social support, peer substance abuse risk and social support, and substance abuse risk among South Korean Adolescents by Sookyung Park, Haeryun Kim, and Haesung Kim. This article’s main study takes place in South Korea, but I feel that it pertains to people in the United States as well.
The main argument in this article is that adolescents (young adults) with parents who partake in things such as alcohol, are at a greater chance of also participating in a these things too. It never says a kid will be an alcoholic if his parents are alcoholics, but studies show that in families where parents use alcohol in great amounts, then there kids are at a greater risk of picking up their parents behavior.
I think that this article is very applicable to my subject because if people grew up around their parents drinking (like I did), I think they would be much more susceptible to picking up the behaviors of their parents. Parent’s are role models in a kids life and kids want to be like there parents, and sometimes they pick up the wrong traits
The name of this article is Alcohol Use and Antisocial Behavior in Late Adolescence Characteristics of a Sample Attending a GED Program by Andrea Bergman and Meredith Reesman Owens. It is talking mainly about symptoms that may lead to alcohol use and abuse. They surveyed 104 students between the ages of 16 to 21 and found that when under the influence of alcohol their behavior was altered in a negative way. They did these surveys by questionnaires and surveys and were than analyzed.
They were able to determine that peer deviance was a strong predictor of alcohol use, and ADHD was a very strong predictor of alcohol disorder symptoms and antisocial behavior. They also found that being associated with deviant peers increased these behaviors. There are also implications for treatments that may help.
The second view comes from the experiences of everyday drinkers. They see it as a hobby that helps them reach an enhanced state of mind or a form of bodily pleasure. They only think of the temporary pleasure of their behavior and do not consider the damages in the long run.
One of the main things that this article is arguing the gap between the knowledge of the health aspect and the thought of drinking for bodily pleasure, presents a huge gap to overcome for those campaigning to alter drinking habits of others.
I think that this article has great relevance to my project because people who drink on a regular basis, like those who go to parties, only think about the temporary satisfaction of their actions and not what it could do to them in the long run. I also think it is relevant because if you try and talk to them about this issue, they will not listen to you and think that whatever they do is right.
The name of this article is Relationships between parental alcohol abuse and social support, peer substance abuse risk and social support, and substance abuse risk among South Korean Adolescents by Sookyung Park, Haeryun Kim, and Haesung Kim. This article’s main study takes place in South Korea, but I feel that it pertains to people in the United States as well.
The main argument in this article is that adolescents (young adults) with parents who partake in things such as alcohol, are at a greater chance of also participating in a these things too. It never says a kid will be an alcoholic if his parents are alcoholics, but studies show that in families where parents use alcohol in great amounts, then there kids are at a greater risk of picking up their parents behavior.
I think that this article is very applicable to my subject because if people grew up around their parents drinking (like I did), I think they would be much more susceptible to picking up the behaviors of their parents. Parent’s are role models in a kids life and kids want to be like there parents, and sometimes they pick up the wrong traits
The name of this article is Alcohol Use and Antisocial Behavior in Late Adolescence Characteristics of a Sample Attending a GED Program by Andrea Bergman and Meredith Reesman Owens. It is talking mainly about symptoms that may lead to alcohol use and abuse. They surveyed 104 students between the ages of 16 to 21 and found that when under the influence of alcohol their behavior was altered in a negative way. They did these surveys by questionnaires and surveys and were than analyzed.
They were able to determine that peer deviance was a strong predictor of alcohol use, and ADHD was a very strong predictor of alcohol disorder symptoms and antisocial behavior. They also found that being associated with deviant peers increased these behaviors. There are also implications for treatments that may help.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Box 16
As i walk into the house from the side door, I am greeted by the smell of pot filling the entire beer pong room. This room os packed with so many people that it is hard to even make your way through. the table is set up right in the middle of the room making it the center of attention. as you walk along the edge of the room, you can look down at any point and you are bound to see one beer can on the floor, especially in the corners. After you finally make your way through the beer pong room, you can look through the doorway and see a wrap around couch that looks like it has seen better days loaded with people surrounding a coffee table that is being used to play a drinking game on. if you look to the left while standing in the doorway, you will see a TV and room that is completely empty with a lot of people just standing there talking. after walking through, it is obvious to see that the beer pong and the living room where the couch is, are the rooms that the majority of the party happens in.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Box 7
For this assignment, i looked at Maggie's notes about spectrum. one thing that i noticed is that she didn't really talk about things that disgusted her. maybe next time she can talk about this topic. another thing that i noticed is that she didn't really talk about their language. the only thing that she talked about was the things did they talked about. i think that next time she goes to her fieldsite, she should see if they have any different laguages that they just use around themselves. other than these issues,i think that she has good notes. i like how she put questions that she had about the things that she wrote down. i think that she just needs to look at a few more things. but other wise, she has good notes
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Box 13
There are not very many artifacts that have to do with my fieldsite. but if i had to pick one, i would say it would be a red solo cup. this is not only thing that holds the partiers drink, but it is also a major source of entertainment. this is what many people use to play the game of beer pong. i do not think that there is much history behind the cup, i think people use them just because the cups are cheap and you can just throw them away. i think that this is the main artifact that you will find in a party.
Monday, February 15, 2010
-Enter through the back door into the kitchen. Walk through the kitchen and have three options of rooms to go in. Turn left and you can go into the beerpong room which is the garage. If you go straight, you enter a very nice room with carpet and couches surrounding a coffee table in the middle of the room. Lava lamps surround the room. This room is where many people play drinking games such as kings and quarters. If you turn right, you go down a staircase leading to the basement. The basement is the place where the dance floor and bar is. This is the room a majority of people stay.
-The interior of this house surprised me because of how nice it was. I expected the house to be really run down and nasty. I was surprised that people would want to have a party in a house as nice as this knowing people are going to be drunk and maybe spill some drinks or maybe even break something.
-There were certain cliques of people that would only stay in their little group wit h their friends, but there were also many people who went around and talked/danced with a lot of different people.
-There were more “wanderers” than I thought there would be. This is one thing that really surprised me.
-The main area that people seemed to hang out at the party was the dance floor. I started talking to this guy named Chris. I asked him why he seemed to hang around the dance floor the most, he said because it was closest to the girls and the bar.
-This answer did not surprise me considering people usually go to parties so that they can drink so it makes sense to stay close to the bar.
-Like normal, people all seemed to act a little different than everyone else. Some people thought they were the coolest people at the party, some people were really quiet and some people were the social butterflies of the party.
-This was no surprise to me because people always act differently than other people. However, it seemed to be amplified while at the party
-The interior of this house surprised me because of how nice it was. I expected the house to be really run down and nasty. I was surprised that people would want to have a party in a house as nice as this knowing people are going to be drunk and maybe spill some drinks or maybe even break something.
-There were certain cliques of people that would only stay in their little group wit h their friends, but there were also many people who went around and talked/danced with a lot of different people.
-There were more “wanderers” than I thought there would be. This is one thing that really surprised me.
-The main area that people seemed to hang out at the party was the dance floor. I started talking to this guy named Chris. I asked him why he seemed to hang around the dance floor the most, he said because it was closest to the girls and the bar.
-This answer did not surprise me considering people usually go to parties so that they can drink so it makes sense to stay close to the bar.
-Like normal, people all seemed to act a little different than everyone else. Some people thought they were the coolest people at the party, some people were really quiet and some people were the social butterflies of the party.
-This was no surprise to me because people always act differently than other people. However, it seemed to be amplified while at the party
Monday, February 8, 2010
Presentors
Ont Thursday, Brandon Schultz and Desiree Howell came and spoke to our class. One thing that Desiree said was, "opposites have a hard time seeing the same point" (Howell). This seemed very relevant to our study because we were encouraged to pick sub-cultures that we are not apart of and may even complete opposites. so i thought that quote seemed very relevant.
Another thing that that Brandon and Desiree did was have us take the insight game on the Ball State website. This assessment was supposed to show us what kind of learner we are. i have taken assessments like this before and i feel this was the one that was farthest from what i think is true. It said that i was an extravert meaning that i work well in large groups. I think that is true to an extent but not when it comes to studying i like to be by myself. This assessment also said that i was a Sensing person. This means that i like to use my experience and logic to make my decisions. the next thing that this assessment told me was that i was Feeling person. The main thing in this section that applies to me the most is that i like to please people no matter the situation. The final thing from this assessment is that i am a perception. This means that i do not like to have a set schedule, but like to have a lot of flexibility.
I think this assessment was right and some spots, but not in all of them
Another thing that that Brandon and Desiree did was have us take the insight game on the Ball State website. This assessment was supposed to show us what kind of learner we are. i have taken assessments like this before and i feel this was the one that was farthest from what i think is true. It said that i was an extravert meaning that i work well in large groups. I think that is true to an extent but not when it comes to studying i like to be by myself. This assessment also said that i was a Sensing person. This means that i like to use my experience and logic to make my decisions. the next thing that this assessment told me was that i was Feeling person. The main thing in this section that applies to me the most is that i like to please people no matter the situation. The final thing from this assessment is that i am a perception. This means that i do not like to have a set schedule, but like to have a lot of flexibility.
I think this assessment was right and some spots, but not in all of them
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Peer Review for Anna Hemmig
Positioning Paper Peer Review
Instructions: Read your paper aloud to two peers. As you read or listen, mark any sentences that are unclear. If you are a listener, listen critically—find what doesn’t make sense or connect and then mark it or question it in the margin.
Your Name: Evan Beard
Writer’s Name: Anna Hemmig
Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.
If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:
• I don’t know if I see a real thesis. I just see a bunch of questions that you want answered.
Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.
• Like I said, I see no real thesis.
What subculture is named in the paper?
• The subculture mentioned in this paper is men’s volleyball
Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?
• Again, I see no real thesis in you paper. There may be one, but I am horrible with thesis’s …sorry
Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:
• AGAIN, I see no real thesis
How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.
• I think it addresses her fixed position by saying that she is not very familiar with this subculture, but would like to study it.
What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.
•
What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?
Quote from the paper to explain.
•
Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.
• I don’t think it seems like a story, however, it may be a little to formal.
Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?
• Yes, each paragraph is a good length and each one has a separate main point all pointing toward the big picture
What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?
• I think you need to find a better way to write a thesis, because it doesn’t seem like there is one to me.
What do you think the strength of this paper is?
• You went into depth about why you wanted to research this topic. You didn’t just say the subculture you chose, you told us why you chose it.
What are the weaknesses?
• There is no real thesis that I can see. You just listed off a bunch of questions that you want answers to.
What’s missing?
• A thesis.
What’s unnecessary?
• I think that you should consider taking out all the questions in the first paragraph, or at least move them to another portion of the paper
Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.
Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.
CRITERIA
READER'S COMMENTS
Weak Satisf. Strong
___X__ _____ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky
Comments:
_____ ___X__ _____ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader
Comments:
_____ _____ ___X__ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?
Comments:
Instructions: Read your paper aloud to two peers. As you read or listen, mark any sentences that are unclear. If you are a listener, listen critically—find what doesn’t make sense or connect and then mark it or question it in the margin.
Your Name: Evan Beard
Writer’s Name: Anna Hemmig
Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.
If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:
• I don’t know if I see a real thesis. I just see a bunch of questions that you want answered.
Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.
• Like I said, I see no real thesis.
What subculture is named in the paper?
• The subculture mentioned in this paper is men’s volleyball
Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?
• Again, I see no real thesis in you paper. There may be one, but I am horrible with thesis’s …sorry
Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:
• AGAIN, I see no real thesis
How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.
• I think it addresses her fixed position by saying that she is not very familiar with this subculture, but would like to study it.
What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.
•
What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?
Quote from the paper to explain.
•
Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.
• I don’t think it seems like a story, however, it may be a little to formal.
Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?
• Yes, each paragraph is a good length and each one has a separate main point all pointing toward the big picture
What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?
• I think you need to find a better way to write a thesis, because it doesn’t seem like there is one to me.
What do you think the strength of this paper is?
• You went into depth about why you wanted to research this topic. You didn’t just say the subculture you chose, you told us why you chose it.
What are the weaknesses?
• There is no real thesis that I can see. You just listed off a bunch of questions that you want answers to.
What’s missing?
• A thesis.
What’s unnecessary?
• I think that you should consider taking out all the questions in the first paragraph, or at least move them to another portion of the paper
Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.
Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.
CRITERIA
READER'S COMMENTS
Weak Satisf. Strong
___X__ _____ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky
Comments:
_____ ___X__ _____ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader
Comments:
_____ _____ ___X__ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?
Comments:
Peer Review for Maggie Carter
Positioning Paper Peer Review
Instructions: Read your paper aloud to two peers. As you read or listen, mark any sentences that are unclear. If you are a listener, listen critically—find what doesn’t make sense or connect and then mark it or question it in the margin.
Your Name: Evan Beard
Writer’s Name: Maggie Carter
Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.
If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:
• “Growing up in a Christian home has affected how I view the gay community, but I hope by learning more about their lifestyles and who they are will make me a more excepting person”
Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.
• I think so. Someone could be so set in their ways and say that even if you get to know them, they are still doing wrong.
What subculture is named in the paper?
• The subculture of Spectrum
Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?
• I think the thesis could maybe be a little more complex.
Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:
• I think that it is specific enough
How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with -his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.
• It addresses her fixed position by telling about her background of being raised in the church.
What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.
•
What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?
Quote from the paper to explain.
• The writing tells me that she is not very familiar with this subculture.
Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.
• I don’t think that it was to formal. I think that you did a nice job of mixing formal language and using narrative elements
Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?
• The first paragraph is very long, taking up the entire first page. Maybe you can find a to break it up into where you came from where you came from and your beliefs, to why you chose to do the topic you are doing.
What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?
• Maybe you could go more into depth about why you chose to do the subculture that you chose. You mentioned it briefly in the first paragraph, but did not go into much detail
What do you think the strength of this paper is?
• I think you did a good job of telling how you came to the conclusion about your subculture and why you feel the way you do. (i.e. growing up in a Christian home)
What are the weaknesses?
• Like I said, I think you could go more into depth
What’s missing?
• Again maybe explain more about why you chose its subculture. You have briefly mentioned it, but maybe you can explain a little more
What’s unnecessary?
• I honestly don’t see anything that I think is unnecessary
Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.
Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.
CRITERIA
READER'S COMMENTS
Weak Satisf. Strong
_____ __X___ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky
Comments:
_____ _____ ___X__ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation
Comments:
_____ _____ ___X__ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?
Comments:
Instructions: Read your paper aloud to two peers. As you read or listen, mark any sentences that are unclear. If you are a listener, listen critically—find what doesn’t make sense or connect and then mark it or question it in the margin.
Your Name: Evan Beard
Writer’s Name: Maggie Carter
Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.
If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:
• “Growing up in a Christian home has affected how I view the gay community, but I hope by learning more about their lifestyles and who they are will make me a more excepting person”
Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.
• I think so. Someone could be so set in their ways and say that even if you get to know them, they are still doing wrong.
What subculture is named in the paper?
• The subculture of Spectrum
Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?
• I think the thesis could maybe be a little more complex.
Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:
• I think that it is specific enough
How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with -his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.
• It addresses her fixed position by telling about her background of being raised in the church.
What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.
•
What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?
Quote from the paper to explain.
• The writing tells me that she is not very familiar with this subculture.
Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.
• I don’t think that it was to formal. I think that you did a nice job of mixing formal language and using narrative elements
Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?
• The first paragraph is very long, taking up the entire first page. Maybe you can find a to break it up into where you came from where you came from and your beliefs, to why you chose to do the topic you are doing.
What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?
• Maybe you could go more into depth about why you chose to do the subculture that you chose. You mentioned it briefly in the first paragraph, but did not go into much detail
What do you think the strength of this paper is?
• I think you did a good job of telling how you came to the conclusion about your subculture and why you feel the way you do. (i.e. growing up in a Christian home)
What are the weaknesses?
• Like I said, I think you could go more into depth
What’s missing?
• Again maybe explain more about why you chose its subculture. You have briefly mentioned it, but maybe you can explain a little more
What’s unnecessary?
• I honestly don’t see anything that I think is unnecessary
Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.
Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.
CRITERIA
READER'S COMMENTS
Weak Satisf. Strong
_____ __X___ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky
Comments:
_____ _____ ___X__ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader
Comments:
_____ _____ __X___ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation
Comments:
_____ _____ ___X__ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?
Comments:
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Paragraph
After talking to people, i realize that there are many opinions on the issue of gay in the community. The feelings range from total disaagreement to complete agreement. Peter Willheim says that he is a neutral party in this discussion because he feels that everyone has the freedom to fall in love with who they want. On the other hand, After talking to my brother's fiance, Leah Hunter, she told me, "The Bible clearly speaks against it, thus i think love should be between a man and a woman." After talking to these people, i have come to the conclusion that they are both right. I believe that a man and a woman should be together, so that is how i will live my life, but i am not going to try to force my opinion on someone else.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
"GBLT activist to speak for Unity Week"
Andrew Marin, founder of The Marin foundation, an organization built to try and bridge the gap between religion and homosexuality, will be speaking tonight in Pruis Hall. I think this article is a good cultural article because it is talking about a man who is part of a sub-culture, GBLT activist. Some questions a fieldworker may want to ask is why these people beilieve this and how did they come to this belief. im mot exactly sure what the difference between a journalist and a fieldworker's questions would be. I think some things the fieldworker would need to gather is why are these people are here, and what is the message people are trying to get across here? I think the fieldworker should read other books about this topic to get a deeper understnding of why people believe this topic. to be honest, im not quite sure if this how we were supposed to do this.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
List of Possible Sub-Cultures
1. Rugby
2. Larping
3. Operation Love
4. Frats
5. Gays (Spectrum)
6. Marching band
7. "Party Scene"
8. Late Nite
9. Circle K (Community Service Group)
10. Hippies
11. Hip Hop
12. Skaters
13. BSU Choir
14. Architecture Students
15. Quidditch Club
16. Working People
17. RA's
18. Student Government
19. 4-H
20. Hall Councils
2. Larping
3. Operation Love
4. Frats
5. Gays (Spectrum)
6. Marching band
7. "Party Scene"
8. Late Nite
9. Circle K (Community Service Group)
10. Hippies
11. Hip Hop
12. Skaters
13. BSU Choir
14. Architecture Students
15. Quidditch Club
16. Working People
17. RA's
18. Student Government
19. 4-H
20. Hall Councils
Monday, January 18, 2010
Two Ethnogaphs review
Ralph's Sports Bar
One thing that i liked about how she did her studying was that she went to a source and originally had her eyes set on one group of people (bikers) but when she got their she noticed more then just that one group. So she didn't just look at the one group, she studied both of them. After she spent time observing the groups, she came up with her own stereotype of the two groups by what she observed and things from the past such as her family, the way she was raised, media, and things of that nature. After she made her initial observations and her stereotypes, she went to a first hand source who was close to both groups and talked to her to see if her stereotypes were correct. The reason that I i like this is because she did not just write about what she thought was right, she went to another who had much interaction with those groups.
House For The Homeless
One thing that i liked about the way the author wrote this ethnograph is how she described the main place where she did most of her study/fieldwork. When she walked into the homeless shelter, she begins to describe every little thing about the place. She describes how the chairs are set up and what are on all the walls and what all the posters even say. When you read his description, you can get a very detailed picture in your head of what the place looks like and how it would feel to be standing in that one place. i thought that was something that was very cool in her writing
One thing that i liked about how she did her studying was that she went to a source and originally had her eyes set on one group of people (bikers) but when she got their she noticed more then just that one group. So she didn't just look at the one group, she studied both of them. After she spent time observing the groups, she came up with her own stereotype of the two groups by what she observed and things from the past such as her family, the way she was raised, media, and things of that nature. After she made her initial observations and her stereotypes, she went to a first hand source who was close to both groups and talked to her to see if her stereotypes were correct. The reason that I i like this is because she did not just write about what she thought was right, she went to another who had much interaction with those groups.
House For The Homeless
One thing that i liked about the way the author wrote this ethnograph is how she described the main place where she did most of her study/fieldwork. When she walked into the homeless shelter, she begins to describe every little thing about the place. She describes how the chairs are set up and what are on all the walls and what all the posters even say. When you read his description, you can get a very detailed picture in your head of what the place looks like and how it would feel to be standing in that one place. i thought that was something that was very cool in her writing
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